Today I did what every respectable girl does...I worked four hours and then went to see my therapist. My therapist is a little unconventional; her office furniture folds up and/or is inflatable, and I usually show up half naked to our appointments...but she’s damn good. Always so soothing, so enlightening. I hear her colleagues the Atlantic and the Pacific are pretty good too.
Don’t get me wrong; I’m not sinking into a double D anytime soon (referring to both “Deep depression” and/or bra size) that would require me to attend regular therapy. On the self-reflection scale of happiness, I rank myself a solid 8.5 out of 10 right now....life is pretty good. I love where I live, I have a good job, I have great friends who keep it real, I’m financially stable... But, now I have the “almost perfect” syndrome (I admit, its pretty bratty...but we all do it). I liken it to how I felt in college when my friend Johnny and I were studying together at the library (translation: drinking Starbucks and judging people), and he told me I ranked a 7.75/10 on his scale. At first I liked this number, given that he had ranked a beach-blonde Tits McGee an 8 just moments prior. But then, I started wondering what it was that made me lose 2.25 points...was it that I had predominately A’s with a few B’s mixed in to keep it fun (referring to both my nerdy GPA and bra drawer)? Was it my Converses? My quirky sense of humor? My lack of a sorority- hood, or whatever the proper term is? ....why couldn’t things just be perfect???!
So it is with life. Everything is so almost perfect...yet, it’s not quite 100%, and its driving me crazy. I know everything is going well for me...and I shouldn’t complain, but I can’t quite shake the feeling that I’m stuck at a 7.75 when everything has such good potential to become a perfect 10. This is what I’ve been reflecting about with my therapist, the Gulf of Mexico.
Today, I had a very enlightening session. I sat in the patient chair ( a very awkward inflatable Papason seat that makes you feel like a real idiot when you find yourself beached, as it folds up on itself and makes your feet stick straight up in the air and you feel obese as you struggle against the waves to get your body up out of the sand in 3 different phases ....I mean, or so I’ve heard...)...ummm....back to the point. Ummm....oh yea, so as I was sitting there, I decided to lean all the way back until my ears were just barely under the surface of the water. As I lay there, bobbing along , I thought about how good life was, yet couldn’t help but throw out a few “why can’t I ____” questions (ex: “save more money”, “have more free time” “travel more”) to the universe. And with every up and down, slip slap of the waves against my ears, I got my answer loud and clear. I swear to you the waves were saying the most profound statement Ive heard in a while: “ You’re a dumbass...dumbass...dumbass.”
It’s right you know. See, the thing I’ve been internally complaining about lately is this: I’m kind of bored. Everything is changing for other people in my family, and I’d be lying if I said its not driving me freakin insane to be the only thing that seems to be staying the same. I yearn for more adventure, for more opportunities to be creative. I want to travel and try new things. And what do I do about this? I repeat my same boring routine over and over each day and then complain when the Universe doesn’t randomly grant my far-out wishes out of nowhere. Hence, the reason I’m a dumbass. If I want opportunities to create more, shouldn’t I frequently demonstrate to the universe that I can be creative? If I want more opportunities to see more places in the world, shouldn’t I demonstrate to Mr. God Universe Dude in Charge just how happy traveling makes me? But nope, instead I keep my wishes to myself , my flyer miles low, and just hope for the best. Dumbass...dumbass...dumbass.
“Be the change you wish to see in the world”...how many times have I heard that and had no idea what it meant? I think I get it now. One part faith plus one part action yields a whole lotta luck. You only get what you give....like attracts like...I get it. If I want the world to give me opportunities to be more creative, I need to start being more creative right now. If I want to meet people who are light-hearted and fun-loving, I need to make sure my own panties are wad-free. Case in point- the woman that lives behind me drives me nuts. She is always complaining that she can’t find a reliable, baggage-free, stable man. She tells me this as she "sexts" her ex-husband... I mean, really? The whole opposites-attract thing is a crock of shit, both for people and opportunities in life. I’ve never had a relationship not work out because the other person and I were “too much alike.” I’ve never had an opportunity fall to me out of the sky because I’ve been caught doing nothing. Given that like attracts like, I realize I need to be more pro-active in doing and being what I want to attract.
So, until the travel channel contacts me and asks me to be the manager of creative smart-ass comments and/or office pranks on a new late-night travel show, I’ll keep making the best of what I’ve got. Rather than twiddle my thumbs and wish for adventure and novelty to come to me as a prize in my cereal box, I’ll shake what my momma gave me here and now. I’ll make my own creative outlet through more wacky cakes, pork-rind bouquets, and cupcake centerpieces. I’ll make more off-the-wall commentary and act a fool. I’ll travel more , wait around less, and do things that make me happy...get my diving certification, paddle board, swim with a dolphin...whats the worst that can happen, I find myself a beached whale in a Papason chair but a 9 on the “life is awesome” scale? I'm in! As Nike says "JUST DO IT!"
Your 7.75,
Sara
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