So today, while at the gym, I got the infamous cool guy “whats up” chin raise and wink by a meathead in jeans..let’s reiterate... in jeans! I have nothing against jeans, I think Levi Strauss was a good man, but seriously, who wears jeans to the gym? And, the best part was, this guy was strutting past after finishing up on the squat press machine...I don’t know, but I’m imagining that must surely present some sort of concern for chafing or skin breakdown or something. I wouldn’t want to try it myself, and I don’t even have any love spuds hanging down between my thighs to present the element of friction. Anyway, moving on, I’m over-thinking this.
I guess I theoretically could have been flattered by Jean’s acknowledgement of my existence, but I was too busy LOL’ing in my mouth to care. I wonder what appealed to him about me: my space camp shirt , the fact that I was on the hip abductor machine, the Earth, Wind and Fire blasting from my ipod, or the fact that I have a vagina. I wonnnnder ....anyway, he might have been a Rhodes scholar for all I know, but I’d be willing to bet, based solely on appearances and behavior analysis, that he’s a lot like my dog. Like Buddy, people probably compliment him all the time for being beautiful, but once they get to know him better, he’s probably a bit of a ra-tard. He probably has a bit of a humping issue too. Don’t get me wrong, I love Buddy...he’s my boyfriend ( what can I say, i’ve always had a bit of a proclivity towards the hairy chested), but what a superficial existence those two have. I mean, its ok for a dog, but do some people seriously just float around in life with such a shallow existence that their main goal in life is to look good to get people to acknowledge them, perhaps even pet them?
I’m all about taking good care of my body, but I also think that my body is just a piece of the puzzle that needs my attention. I’m grateful that I was given a body that’s healthy and easy to tote around, and I’m not going to take that for granted if I can help it. But, I look at my body as more of a vehicle I need to take care of to get me around to experience the really cool things in life, not as some special needs baby that requires every last drop of my attention to the point that I don’t do anything else. I see my hot body with the huuuge boobs (sorry, can’t resist) as a means, not as the end. The same goes for other “shallow” commodities in life (money, clothes, other people’s approval, etc). It is necessary that we acknowledge the need for those things at a certain level to get along in the world, but I don’t think the acquisition of these things should define our entire existence. One of my favorite quotes is “ we are not human beings having a spiritual experience, but spiritual beings having a human experience.” Hearing that quote always reminds me that this life thing is temporary...so why waste all of our time and energy pursuing efforts towards things that are relatively shallow and temporary in comparison to eternity? Life is too short for that in my humble opinion.Poor meathead; he probably has no idea about all the sweet gifts in the world that are at his disposable if he could just step away from the steroids and fitness magazines. On top of the gym, there is awesome music to enjoy, good books to read, oceans to swim in, and lessons to learn. I thoroughly enjoy working out, but I am also thankful that my world has been expanded beyond Gold’s. I’m thankful that I have grown up (or am working on it) and am starting to become appreciative of all the little things that life has blessed me with. I plan on taking good care of my body and will continue to hit the gym, but not so much for the purpose of attracting the attention of guys doing power squats,but for the purpose of taking optimal care of myself so that I can continue to have the energy and stamina to carry out this life thing and be used for good purposes (whatever those may be). Osh Kosh B’Gosh, life is good.
Wednesday, December 29, 2010
Wednesday, December 22, 2010
My Life is "Narnia Business!"
If you get the awful play on words that was the title of this week's post, you have an incredibly quirky sense of humor, and I like you. (Narnia meant to be "none of your"- hey I admitted it was bad). Anyway, this week I was on vacation, so I don't have too much exciting going on to share (thank God), so this week's post isn't anywhere near as exciting as the discovery of the weenis (referring to previous post)...but here it goes anyway.
The other day, I was standing in line at the Walgreens self-service photo booth while my dad was printing some pictures. I was bored, and so was the kid next to me, so we started flirting. What started out with an innocent eyelash bat on his part evolved into a full blown poking war. He shyly poked me first, so I poked him back,and he'd poke me back a little harder, and so on. The only difference between him and I was that he was about 3 1/2 years old with a lollipop. The game ended when he started hitting me instead of poking, and I'm still unsure as to whether that means I won or lost the poking war. No hard feelings though, because he offered me his lollipop before he left, which I politely declined.
I guess , in retrospect, I could have been annoyed by the sticky fingered kid poking me. But, had I not been patient, I wouldn't have been offered a sweet reward in the end. And I would have just remained in the Walgreens line, not only bored, but mad as well. Sounds bad for the blood pressure.
The other night, I went to see a movie with my dad. I think it was the first movie I'd seen in about six months. We saw the Narnia movie, "Dawn Treader." I don't want to spoil it for anyone, but towards the end of the movie, the talking lion king dude (Aslan) has a conversation with the kids about how they ended up in Narnia to get to know him better so that they may learn to recognize him more in their own world, because he exists in both, just by different names. And then this talking mouse guy asked if he could cross over to "Aslan's country", because he'd lived his whole life to end up there, and his purpose was served, unlike the kids who had to go back to their world to finish up their purpose there. I realize this is all a bunch of fantasy nonsense if you haven't seen the movie, but clearly Aslan was representative of God and "Aslan's country" was alluding to Heaven. That's why, when watching all this go down, I sat there, mouth gaping open like a total cool kid in my 3-D glasses...unbelieving that an experience I had that was extremely personal was up on the big screen for all the world to see. I felt like CS Lewis was making fun of me, as there on the screen played out a scene extremely similar to the life-changing experience I had the night my mom died... it was like good old CS was calling me an annoying Narnia kid and my momma a mouse. (Side note: I promise at some point in the future I'll tell the full blown story, as I keep alluding to it...it's not that it's so dramatic that I can't post it; I've just got to get the cahones to fess it up to a few VIPs [ie the dad and brother] before I post it up for all the world to see.)Anyway, at the end of the movie, while the credits were rolling, some old guy next to me mumbled "That was an ok movie, I just could have done without all the talking lion stuff at the end". My first thought was, "seriously, dude,who in their right mind goes to a freaking Narnia movie if they take offense to talking lions?" But, then, as I continued to "not eavesdrop", this man continued to complain about the theater carpet, the popcorn, his bad knees, that it gets dark so early, and on and on and on. Then I realized, he was one of those chronic complainer types...you know, one of those people that doesn't know how to just enjoy something without assuming the world is out to get him or something has to be wrong. I bet if this guy had been in the Walgreen's line, that kid's sticky fingers would have ruined his week. So , oh yes, the point...there was one (kind of). The thing is, situations don't change, only our perceptions of them do. Two different people can go through the exact same situation, and come out of it with completely different perceptions and experiences. One person might view it as something really good that happened, while the other might be irritated that he even had to experience it in the first place. And, the cool thing is, you can pick your perceptions, thus choosing if you want to do life or have life do you. You are free to experience life negatively or positively, and the choice you make directly determines your life experience.
Now, I'm not saying that life is all sunshine and rainbows all the time. Its realistic to say that sometimes situations just suck. I know a few people who are obnoxiously chipper all the time to the point that people just need them to go away; the people I know like that are like a bad pair of underwear- always up my butt, wanting to get involved. Sometimes it is appropriate to take the cheerleader smile off , back away from the pom poms,and just acknowledge that a particular situation is kind of sucky. If someone had walked up to me with a cheesy smile and a "everything happens for a reason" comment at my mom's funeral, I would have sucker punched the sunshine right out of them. However, with time, even the suckiest of sucks can be used for your higher good if you let them. The suck isn't going to change...only your reaction to the suck can change. I'm not saying that the glass is half full and smelling like roses all the time. Sometimes the glass is a smidge on the empty side, and sometimes someone takes a dump in your drink, but by God, if I can help it, I'm going to try to remain thankful that I have a drink in my hand. There are people starving in Africa who don't have drinks. It is hard to do all the time, but I have to admit that the more I am thankful for the little things, and try to perceive the good in situations, the more blessings I seem to attract in my life.
So, in summation (yeeea F-cat style!), rather than bitch about the talking lions, why not enjoy them and listen to what they say? I mean, youre sitting in freaking Narnia anyway. No matter if you love them or hate them, the lions are still gonna talk. The only person you're hurting by taking offense to what is going to be anyway is yourself...and who knows, maybe next time you just try to enjoy whatever life pokes at you, you might end up with a lollipop.
Love, light, and quit your bitchin folks,
Sara
The other day, I was standing in line at the Walgreens self-service photo booth while my dad was printing some pictures. I was bored, and so was the kid next to me, so we started flirting. What started out with an innocent eyelash bat on his part evolved into a full blown poking war. He shyly poked me first, so I poked him back,and he'd poke me back a little harder, and so on. The only difference between him and I was that he was about 3 1/2 years old with a lollipop. The game ended when he started hitting me instead of poking, and I'm still unsure as to whether that means I won or lost the poking war. No hard feelings though, because he offered me his lollipop before he left, which I politely declined.
I guess , in retrospect, I could have been annoyed by the sticky fingered kid poking me. But, had I not been patient, I wouldn't have been offered a sweet reward in the end. And I would have just remained in the Walgreens line, not only bored, but mad as well. Sounds bad for the blood pressure.
The other night, I went to see a movie with my dad. I think it was the first movie I'd seen in about six months. We saw the Narnia movie, "Dawn Treader." I don't want to spoil it for anyone, but towards the end of the movie, the talking lion king dude (Aslan) has a conversation with the kids about how they ended up in Narnia to get to know him better so that they may learn to recognize him more in their own world, because he exists in both, just by different names. And then this talking mouse guy asked if he could cross over to "Aslan's country", because he'd lived his whole life to end up there, and his purpose was served, unlike the kids who had to go back to their world to finish up their purpose there. I realize this is all a bunch of fantasy nonsense if you haven't seen the movie, but clearly Aslan was representative of God and "Aslan's country" was alluding to Heaven. That's why, when watching all this go down, I sat there, mouth gaping open like a total cool kid in my 3-D glasses...unbelieving that an experience I had that was extremely personal was up on the big screen for all the world to see. I felt like CS Lewis was making fun of me, as there on the screen played out a scene extremely similar to the life-changing experience I had the night my mom died... it was like good old CS was calling me an annoying Narnia kid and my momma a mouse. (Side note: I promise at some point in the future I'll tell the full blown story, as I keep alluding to it...it's not that it's so dramatic that I can't post it; I've just got to get the cahones to fess it up to a few VIPs [ie the dad and brother] before I post it up for all the world to see.)Anyway, at the end of the movie, while the credits were rolling, some old guy next to me mumbled "That was an ok movie, I just could have done without all the talking lion stuff at the end". My first thought was, "seriously, dude,who in their right mind goes to a freaking Narnia movie if they take offense to talking lions?" But, then, as I continued to "not eavesdrop", this man continued to complain about the theater carpet, the popcorn, his bad knees, that it gets dark so early, and on and on and on. Then I realized, he was one of those chronic complainer types...you know, one of those people that doesn't know how to just enjoy something without assuming the world is out to get him or something has to be wrong. I bet if this guy had been in the Walgreen's line, that kid's sticky fingers would have ruined his week. So , oh yes, the point...there was one (kind of). The thing is, situations don't change, only our perceptions of them do. Two different people can go through the exact same situation, and come out of it with completely different perceptions and experiences. One person might view it as something really good that happened, while the other might be irritated that he even had to experience it in the first place. And, the cool thing is, you can pick your perceptions, thus choosing if you want to do life or have life do you. You are free to experience life negatively or positively, and the choice you make directly determines your life experience.
Now, I'm not saying that life is all sunshine and rainbows all the time. Its realistic to say that sometimes situations just suck. I know a few people who are obnoxiously chipper all the time to the point that people just need them to go away; the people I know like that are like a bad pair of underwear- always up my butt, wanting to get involved. Sometimes it is appropriate to take the cheerleader smile off , back away from the pom poms,and just acknowledge that a particular situation is kind of sucky. If someone had walked up to me with a cheesy smile and a "everything happens for a reason" comment at my mom's funeral, I would have sucker punched the sunshine right out of them. However, with time, even the suckiest of sucks can be used for your higher good if you let them. The suck isn't going to change...only your reaction to the suck can change. I'm not saying that the glass is half full and smelling like roses all the time. Sometimes the glass is a smidge on the empty side, and sometimes someone takes a dump in your drink, but by God, if I can help it, I'm going to try to remain thankful that I have a drink in my hand. There are people starving in Africa who don't have drinks. It is hard to do all the time, but I have to admit that the more I am thankful for the little things, and try to perceive the good in situations, the more blessings I seem to attract in my life.
So, in summation (yeeea F-cat style!), rather than bitch about the talking lions, why not enjoy them and listen to what they say? I mean, youre sitting in freaking Narnia anyway. No matter if you love them or hate them, the lions are still gonna talk. The only person you're hurting by taking offense to what is going to be anyway is yourself...and who knows, maybe next time you just try to enjoy whatever life pokes at you, you might end up with a lollipop.
Love, light, and quit your bitchin folks,
Sara
Monday, December 13, 2010
You're a survivor...now, show me your weenis!
Today, at work, I learned a new word...actually I re-learned it; I knew it once but then I forgot. The word is "weenis"- the loose skin found at the elbow.
Today I was told to stop playing with my weenis. Playing with my weenis almost cost me an air hockey game. And this is why I love pediatrics...the patients get my humor. Don't ask me how the weenis came up in conversation, it just did. I'm shamefully good at building rapport with the immature and crazy patients; its why they pay me the big bucks. And because I am soooo mature, I kept LOL'ing in my mouth when I thought about the weenis all day long, and people thought I was schizo for laughing for no reason.
I have people who are the weenises in my life. They kind of just exist as part of my life experience, and I'm not always sure why. Most of the time, I don't really even notice they are there, as they just kind of leech on to my existence (and elbows) with their questionable, stretchy purpose. Then, when I do notice them, I find them kind of ugly and extraneous. Maybe by being ugly, those weenae (latin plural of weenis) have helped me, and my elbows, learn to be a little more flexible. I mean, it's gotta be hard to fully extend yourself, and your elbow, without the support of the weenis. What weenis doesn't kill you, only makes you stronger. But sometimes you can have too much weenis in your life, and its time to trim the fat.
So, in another moment of supreme maturity (equivalent to an 11 year old), I have trimmed the fat of the weenis people in my life, at least in digital format. That's right, I have performed my first-ever facebook friend list circumcision. It was such a simple act, but daaaamn, it felt good, it was so symbolic of what I'm trying to do with my life at this point. I literally went through and did a "gut check", and erased every single person who made me feel "blaaah" in the stomach. Those people , who through their interactions with me or negative statuses or whatever bring me down a notch. So, by reading this, chances are that you've clicked through my facebook link, which in turn means that you've made the cut....so congratulations, you're a survivor! If you found me through some other form, welcome, enjoy the party, I hope you're wearing pants.
Anyway, my point in doing this wasn't to be mean or bitchy or get all Mean Girls on the world...I could never be that cool. The fact is, I am but a wee tiny fetus (actually, more of a zygote) in my spiritual gestation. Perhaps one day, I can have swagger like Mother Teresa and actually embrace these negative people and be thankful for the opportunity to uplift them. But, at this point in my life, I am but a tiny embryo that still needs to suck on the teat of positive reinforcement from the universe, so I've got to make a conscious effort to get rid of naysayers. I'm not ashamed of it...in fact, I'm pretty dang proud that I've grown to the point of even entering this marathon of growing into something more significant than just an ego-driven human being struggling through the competitive game show of life. Truth is, some people have come into my life just bearing a nice big heavy load of negative baggage. They just can't stand not to have their problems be my problems too. I would love to check their baggage for them and help a brother out, but for now my priority is to get my own butt into first-class before I can worry about storing other people's extra luggage in my overhead compartment. So sorry thy naysaying brethren, for now you've gotta be a stand-by passenger. I've been flying stand-by all my life (literally, comes with the territory of being a pilot's offspring), so I know there will be room for you eventually on this flight. I've just gotta build up my unconditional love muskles for the obnoxious folk of the world.
So, if you're like me and really really wanting to be all you can be, I recommend taking a few "self-ful" steps to take care of your sweet self, rather than worrying about other people and their opinions all the time...even if you do have to "delete" their existence in your life. The weenis of the world does serve a purpose, but sometimes you gotta ignore the extraneous skin in your life for a bit to take care of your overall well-being. In the meantime, don't have weenis envy. Until next time, party on party people!
Today I was told to stop playing with my weenis. Playing with my weenis almost cost me an air hockey game. And this is why I love pediatrics...the patients get my humor. Don't ask me how the weenis came up in conversation, it just did. I'm shamefully good at building rapport with the immature and crazy patients; its why they pay me the big bucks. And because I am soooo mature, I kept LOL'ing in my mouth when I thought about the weenis all day long, and people thought I was schizo for laughing for no reason.
I have people who are the weenises in my life. They kind of just exist as part of my life experience, and I'm not always sure why. Most of the time, I don't really even notice they are there, as they just kind of leech on to my existence (and elbows) with their questionable, stretchy purpose. Then, when I do notice them, I find them kind of ugly and extraneous. Maybe by being ugly, those weenae (latin plural of weenis) have helped me, and my elbows, learn to be a little more flexible. I mean, it's gotta be hard to fully extend yourself, and your elbow, without the support of the weenis. What weenis doesn't kill you, only makes you stronger. But sometimes you can have too much weenis in your life, and its time to trim the fat.
So, in another moment of supreme maturity (equivalent to an 11 year old), I have trimmed the fat of the weenis people in my life, at least in digital format. That's right, I have performed my first-ever facebook friend list circumcision. It was such a simple act, but daaaamn, it felt good, it was so symbolic of what I'm trying to do with my life at this point. I literally went through and did a "gut check", and erased every single person who made me feel "blaaah" in the stomach. Those people , who through their interactions with me or negative statuses or whatever bring me down a notch. So, by reading this, chances are that you've clicked through my facebook link, which in turn means that you've made the cut....so congratulations, you're a survivor! If you found me through some other form, welcome, enjoy the party, I hope you're wearing pants.
Anyway, my point in doing this wasn't to be mean or bitchy or get all Mean Girls on the world...I could never be that cool. The fact is, I am but a wee tiny fetus (actually, more of a zygote) in my spiritual gestation. Perhaps one day, I can have swagger like Mother Teresa and actually embrace these negative people and be thankful for the opportunity to uplift them. But, at this point in my life, I am but a tiny embryo that still needs to suck on the teat of positive reinforcement from the universe, so I've got to make a conscious effort to get rid of naysayers. I'm not ashamed of it...in fact, I'm pretty dang proud that I've grown to the point of even entering this marathon of growing into something more significant than just an ego-driven human being struggling through the competitive game show of life. Truth is, some people have come into my life just bearing a nice big heavy load of negative baggage. They just can't stand not to have their problems be my problems too. I would love to check their baggage for them and help a brother out, but for now my priority is to get my own butt into first-class before I can worry about storing other people's extra luggage in my overhead compartment. So sorry thy naysaying brethren, for now you've gotta be a stand-by passenger. I've been flying stand-by all my life (literally, comes with the territory of being a pilot's offspring), so I know there will be room for you eventually on this flight. I've just gotta build up my unconditional love muskles for the obnoxious folk of the world.
So, if you're like me and really really wanting to be all you can be, I recommend taking a few "self-ful" steps to take care of your sweet self, rather than worrying about other people and their opinions all the time...even if you do have to "delete" their existence in your life. The weenis of the world does serve a purpose, but sometimes you gotta ignore the extraneous skin in your life for a bit to take care of your overall well-being. In the meantime, don't have weenis envy. Until next time, party on party people!
Monday, December 6, 2010
Pimple Promises
I have great news...turns out I don't suddenly have freakishly oily skin; I'm just an idiot...what a relief! A few weeks ago, I thought it would be a good idea to try and go organic when it comes to my face wash. I mean, all the cool kids seemed to be doing it. So, I went to the store and got myself a bottle of the good stuff. Upon trying it for the first time, I marveled at how freakishly smooth it felt on my skin. But then, over the next few weeks, I started to break out like whoa. I'm sure if a blind man decided to study my face, there would have been some kind of message written on it for him. I didn't get what was going on...then, two and a half weeks later, I happened to notice that the bottle clearly said "Organic...Aloe Vera Lotion". Here all this time I thought I was cleaning my face when I was , in fact, literally just greasing it up...nice. Yet another case of me thinking I know what's best for me, only to grease things up royally.
A couple of years ago, I went through what was my first real life change. My mom passed away, leaving me to grow up, and do it fast. I bitched and moaned for a good while , arguing with God that this shouldn't have happened, and He was wrong for making it happen to me when there are so many people out there who don't even like their mothers. Now, almost two years down the road, I can say, with 100% guarantee, that I didn't know what I was talking about...similar to the face wash, I really didn't know what was good for me. As much as I miss my mom everyday, I have to admit that, in a roundabout way, a tragedy was just what I needed in my life to bring me to the place where I am now...a place where I feel like God is my BFFL and angels are my homegirls (and homeboys)...and they do some pretty cool stuff through me and for me on an everyday basis, and I wouldn't give that up for anything. Now,don't get scared children, this post isn't gonna turn all Joel and Victoria O'steen on you; I just can't explain the wonderful changes that have taken place in my life without mentioning the Big Guy.
The night my mom died, I was blessed with an incredible experience that changed my life forever...it's a story in and of itself, so I'll tell you about it when you're older (maybe next week). Using that experience as a launching point to explore things beyond the humdrum of everyday life, I've been able to slowly but surely realize that there is a purpose for everything we go through in life, including suffering and pain. I thank my mom everyday for saving my life by leading me to this realization. The purpose in losing her was to help me and those who knew her to grow spiritually and be present for others in a more meaningful way while on this planet....man, Mom always did know the perfect gift. Talk about the gift that keeps on giving.
The truth is, we don't know crap about what's best for us. We have but a small glimpse of a tiny piece of the big-picture. But, we tend to assume that, when things don't go the way we would want them to , that God has forgotten about us, and needs us to "take charge" and do something. Just like I "had to" go organic to save my face.
I'm a big advocate for taking action, but not of doing things solely for the sake of being busy to maintain that feeling of control over our lives. And this is definitely my "higher self" writing this, because as the words come out on the screen I marvel at how handy would it be if I could take my own advice. Case in point: a few months back, I decided that I needed $5000 extra dollars to just get any and all debt out of the way so that I could focus on saving. I prayed to God to give me $5000 extra dollars...I felt the excitement of how it would feel to get the extra money, and even bought a few lottery tickets to help speed up the process. After God didn't make a miracle by having me win the jackpot after a few weeks, I got impatient and decided to take matters into my own hands. I applied to a per diem job at the local (stinky ass) inpatient rehab hospital working weekends. After all, I did know what was best for me, and I am never wrong (hahahahahahahah!). I decided that was how I was going to have God answer my prayers (because you know, God needs me as a personal assistant....I don't know how He's made it since, ohhhh the beginning of time, without my help). Just to encourage me to double-check my decision, God made a bunch of stuff go wrong in the application process- my application got botched up when I applied online, my TB test results got jacked up, and then the interviewer from HR had a death in the family and had to reschedule the phone interview a bunch of times. But , not taking the hints, I persevered... after all, this was, in fact, how I decided God needed to answer my prayers. Well, a few months down the road, I'm still working there....and its terrible. This past weekend, sometime between getting yelled at by the lazy nurses for something I didn't do and quite literally cleaning up an old man's crap off the floor (ummm, why is there such a theme of poo on the floor in my life???-refer to previous post), I looked up to heaven and said "okkkk, You win, I get it." Goes to show, I should have trusted my heart aka that small voice inside that said "don't do it don't do it, you hate adult rehab!" aka GOD....it would have saved me a lot of crap (literally, sigh).
To backtrack a few, I'm not saying the first time something goes awry in a process, its a sure sign not to persevere and go through with it. Sometimes monkey wrenches are thrown in the plan just to make sure we're really in the game. And a lot of times God wants you to take action so He can in turn bless it. What I'm saying is, its about time we all stop trying to maintain such control over our lives that we actually limit God and his ability to do some crazy cool stuff in our lives...its time to give ourselves a little freedom to enjoy life and all its surprises by letting go a little. Before making a decision, I think its important to do an honest to goodness "meditate/pray/be willing to listen to your intuition-FEST"...especially when you find yourself trying to convince yourself that a certain job, relationship, or situation is right for you to do. I didn't do this when applying for the weekend job, or when agreeing to go out on a date with someone that gave me the heeby-jeebies, or when convincing myself to move to Panama City for a dead-end job after graduation because the salary was good. Having to talk yourself into something is a pretty good sign that it's a bad idea in my humble opinion.
So how do you know the difference between being in the "flow" of what God wants for you to do versus your own ego making decisions? Hell if I know, I'm a work in progress. But, from what I've observed in and of myself, is that a few quiet minutes alone, focusing on breathing can really clarify some things. What I've found is that I'm really better off listening to my heart versus my head when it comes to life decisions. I'm pretty sure my intellect has ADHD, but my heart is down with the senses. Yet, the heart versus head battle that goes on inside is hard to differentiate...so how to tell the difference? I'm no expert, but it seems to me that the heart's input on a decision is brief and to the point; whereas the mind has verbal diarrhea and tends to spin around in circles. Usually the best guidance is very simple; messages that seem like they came straight from the desk of Captain Obvious. Things like "Let go", "Relax", "Wait"... Man, that Captain Obvious has got some soul. In contrast, the mind says things that are just verbose and garbled; things like "wellll, talk to your boss and if she says this , then do this, or if that doesn't seem to work out, then do that" or "it kinda sucks but, you should do it because if you don't then.., and what if... oh no, blllaaah!" All that spinning around makes the back of my head buzz, literally, and that's how I know that I'm just overthinking things. In contrast, being in the "groove" of the heart and God's will feels more like a calm, cool inner peace right smack in the center of my chest. Like I can just chill, no worries...my head doesn't buzz ( which is so nice). Sometimes the directions you feel most at peace with are the hardest...but just do it. I tell you, it was a bitch having to tell my boss that I wanted to quit my first job after only 5 months, but I was so at peace with it, that I knew it was the right decision. As soon as I did that, a children's hospital job opened up in St Pete and off I went, doing what I always hoped to do.... glad I listened.
The big challenge is to learn to let go and understand that you don't always know what's best. If you are going through a hard time, trust that there is a purpose to even this. Don't stop praying, but in the wise words of my dad while my mom was in hospice , understand that "sometimes the miracle comes in a different way than we can understand right now."
Like I said, I'm a big time work in progress. But, as I'm learning to let go of OCD-like control of my life(thanks for the help Ma), and let God take care of my problems, I'm finding that more and more cool "coincidences" are happening in my life , things I consider unexpected gifts. Little things, but things that make me so happy. Things like seeing dolphins almost every time I walk the dog (dolphins are my "hello from heaven" sign), pens falling from the sky when I need one, and landing awesome tickets to the bowl game without even asking (thanks Lauren!) I don't know what it all means, but its certainly entertaining and a much more fun ride that just thinking and worrying about things all the time. I'm positive all the blessings I've had lately has has come with the territory of slowly but surely learning to live my life heart-first rather than ADHD ego- mind first. Try it...just for a day. See what happens if you surrender control and just ask for a little help from God, or the angels, or the Universe....I'm not going to tell you what to believe. Surrendering control is not a passive submission or sign of weakness, but is rather more like giving yourself the gift of a "direct connect" to the big kahuna upstairs, letting him do what he needs to do to bring you where you need to be for the realllllllly goood show! Keep me posted home slices, I want to hear the good news of you and all your sweet self's victories!
BT dubbs, if a single person was in any way at least minutely uplifted by this blog, consider it a gift from your home-angel Momma Vinci!
Peace! May your lives, and your faces, be clean, clear, and under control!
“Bad times have a scientific value. These are occasions a good learner would not miss.”
–Ralph Waldo Emerson
A couple of years ago, I went through what was my first real life change. My mom passed away, leaving me to grow up, and do it fast. I bitched and moaned for a good while , arguing with God that this shouldn't have happened, and He was wrong for making it happen to me when there are so many people out there who don't even like their mothers. Now, almost two years down the road, I can say, with 100% guarantee, that I didn't know what I was talking about...similar to the face wash, I really didn't know what was good for me. As much as I miss my mom everyday, I have to admit that, in a roundabout way, a tragedy was just what I needed in my life to bring me to the place where I am now...a place where I feel like God is my BFFL and angels are my homegirls (and homeboys)...and they do some pretty cool stuff through me and for me on an everyday basis, and I wouldn't give that up for anything. Now,don't get scared children, this post isn't gonna turn all Joel and Victoria O'steen on you; I just can't explain the wonderful changes that have taken place in my life without mentioning the Big Guy.
The night my mom died, I was blessed with an incredible experience that changed my life forever...it's a story in and of itself, so I'll tell you about it when you're older (maybe next week). Using that experience as a launching point to explore things beyond the humdrum of everyday life, I've been able to slowly but surely realize that there is a purpose for everything we go through in life, including suffering and pain. I thank my mom everyday for saving my life by leading me to this realization. The purpose in losing her was to help me and those who knew her to grow spiritually and be present for others in a more meaningful way while on this planet....man, Mom always did know the perfect gift. Talk about the gift that keeps on giving.
The truth is, we don't know crap about what's best for us. We have but a small glimpse of a tiny piece of the big-picture. But, we tend to assume that, when things don't go the way we would want them to , that God has forgotten about us, and needs us to "take charge" and do something. Just like I "had to" go organic to save my face.
I'm a big advocate for taking action, but not of doing things solely for the sake of being busy to maintain that feeling of control over our lives. And this is definitely my "higher self" writing this, because as the words come out on the screen I marvel at how handy would it be if I could take my own advice. Case in point: a few months back, I decided that I needed $5000 extra dollars to just get any and all debt out of the way so that I could focus on saving. I prayed to God to give me $5000 extra dollars...I felt the excitement of how it would feel to get the extra money, and even bought a few lottery tickets to help speed up the process. After God didn't make a miracle by having me win the jackpot after a few weeks, I got impatient and decided to take matters into my own hands. I applied to a per diem job at the local (stinky ass) inpatient rehab hospital working weekends. After all, I did know what was best for me, and I am never wrong (hahahahahahahah!). I decided that was how I was going to have God answer my prayers (because you know, God needs me as a personal assistant....I don't know how He's made it since, ohhhh the beginning of time, without my help). Just to encourage me to double-check my decision, God made a bunch of stuff go wrong in the application process- my application got botched up when I applied online, my TB test results got jacked up, and then the interviewer from HR had a death in the family and had to reschedule the phone interview a bunch of times. But , not taking the hints, I persevered... after all, this was, in fact, how I decided God needed to answer my prayers. Well, a few months down the road, I'm still working there....and its terrible. This past weekend, sometime between getting yelled at by the lazy nurses for something I didn't do and quite literally cleaning up an old man's crap off the floor (ummm, why is there such a theme of poo on the floor in my life???-refer to previous post), I looked up to heaven and said "okkkk, You win, I get it." Goes to show, I should have trusted my heart aka that small voice inside that said "don't do it don't do it, you hate adult rehab!" aka GOD....it would have saved me a lot of crap (literally, sigh).
To backtrack a few, I'm not saying the first time something goes awry in a process, its a sure sign not to persevere and go through with it. Sometimes monkey wrenches are thrown in the plan just to make sure we're really in the game. And a lot of times God wants you to take action so He can in turn bless it. What I'm saying is, its about time we all stop trying to maintain such control over our lives that we actually limit God and his ability to do some crazy cool stuff in our lives...its time to give ourselves a little freedom to enjoy life and all its surprises by letting go a little. Before making a decision, I think its important to do an honest to goodness "meditate/pray/be willing to listen to your intuition-FEST"...especially when you find yourself trying to convince yourself that a certain job, relationship, or situation is right for you to do. I didn't do this when applying for the weekend job, or when agreeing to go out on a date with someone that gave me the heeby-jeebies, or when convincing myself to move to Panama City for a dead-end job after graduation because the salary was good. Having to talk yourself into something is a pretty good sign that it's a bad idea in my humble opinion.
So how do you know the difference between being in the "flow" of what God wants for you to do versus your own ego making decisions? Hell if I know, I'm a work in progress. But, from what I've observed in and of myself, is that a few quiet minutes alone, focusing on breathing can really clarify some things. What I've found is that I'm really better off listening to my heart versus my head when it comes to life decisions. I'm pretty sure my intellect has ADHD, but my heart is down with the senses. Yet, the heart versus head battle that goes on inside is hard to differentiate...so how to tell the difference? I'm no expert, but it seems to me that the heart's input on a decision is brief and to the point; whereas the mind has verbal diarrhea and tends to spin around in circles. Usually the best guidance is very simple; messages that seem like they came straight from the desk of Captain Obvious. Things like "Let go", "Relax", "Wait"... Man, that Captain Obvious has got some soul. In contrast, the mind says things that are just verbose and garbled; things like "wellll, talk to your boss and if she says this , then do this, or if that doesn't seem to work out, then do that" or "it kinda sucks but, you should do it because if you don't then.., and what if... oh no, blllaaah!" All that spinning around makes the back of my head buzz, literally, and that's how I know that I'm just overthinking things. In contrast, being in the "groove" of the heart and God's will feels more like a calm, cool inner peace right smack in the center of my chest. Like I can just chill, no worries...my head doesn't buzz ( which is so nice). Sometimes the directions you feel most at peace with are the hardest...but just do it. I tell you, it was a bitch having to tell my boss that I wanted to quit my first job after only 5 months, but I was so at peace with it, that I knew it was the right decision. As soon as I did that, a children's hospital job opened up in St Pete and off I went, doing what I always hoped to do.... glad I listened.
The big challenge is to learn to let go and understand that you don't always know what's best. If you are going through a hard time, trust that there is a purpose to even this. Don't stop praying, but in the wise words of my dad while my mom was in hospice , understand that "sometimes the miracle comes in a different way than we can understand right now."
Like I said, I'm a big time work in progress. But, as I'm learning to let go of OCD-like control of my life(thanks for the help Ma), and let God take care of my problems, I'm finding that more and more cool "coincidences" are happening in my life , things I consider unexpected gifts. Little things, but things that make me so happy. Things like seeing dolphins almost every time I walk the dog (dolphins are my "hello from heaven" sign), pens falling from the sky when I need one, and landing awesome tickets to the bowl game without even asking (thanks Lauren!) I don't know what it all means, but its certainly entertaining and a much more fun ride that just thinking and worrying about things all the time. I'm positive all the blessings I've had lately has has come with the territory of slowly but surely learning to live my life heart-first rather than ADHD ego- mind first. Try it...just for a day. See what happens if you surrender control and just ask for a little help from God, or the angels, or the Universe....I'm not going to tell you what to believe. Surrendering control is not a passive submission or sign of weakness, but is rather more like giving yourself the gift of a "direct connect" to the big kahuna upstairs, letting him do what he needs to do to bring you where you need to be for the realllllllly goood show! Keep me posted home slices, I want to hear the good news of you and all your sweet self's victories!
BT dubbs, if a single person was in any way at least minutely uplifted by this blog, consider it a gift from your home-angel Momma Vinci!
Peace! May your lives, and your faces, be clean, clear, and under control!
“Bad times have a scientific value. These are occasions a good learner would not miss.”
–Ralph Waldo Emerson
Sunday, November 28, 2010
Advice from the farting dog
So, I was just sitting here, trying to get some stuff done, when my dog came up beside me to snuggle. Now maybe I'm just turning into an obnoxious dog lady, but I think my dog is pretty stinkin cute, so I went with it. But then he farted, and it smelled so bad that even he couldn't stand himself, so he left the room. And somehow (through the twisted workings of my mind), that got me thinking...how many times in life have we been getting along just fine, minding our own business, when someone that looks cute , cuddly and fun to pet, comes into our lives, pays us some attention, distracts us from our purpose, only to later leave us alone and gasping for breath?
Now, let me be clear on one thing. This is in no way some kind of feminist "Girl power" post or rampage against dating. I don't really like feminists...sometimes they don't use deodorant and I'm personal hygiene's #1 fan. And, truth be told, I actually kind of like dating...except for the time that that guy named Dick pooped on my bathroom floor (true story, more on that later...well actually not...its gross). Even that date was totally worth it for the story. Rather, this is more of a "devil's advocate" post, encouraging my party peoples to stop wasting time pining after the "one that got (ahem ran) away" and enjoy life, because life is pretty freaking sweet as is, farting dogs and all.
As my peers and I encounter our "mid-20's",I've been hearing a lot of biological clocks ticking...I think there's something wrong with mine because to me they sound kind of like bombs just waiting to explode. I see a lot of people investing all of their time and energy to finding "the one", and ultimately putting all of their self worth based on other people's perceptions and treatment of them. When someone breaks it off, so many of us immediately pine after that person, wondering "what if", and trying to figure out what we could possibly do to have them want us again. And sometimes we don't even really want to be with that person, we just want them to want us so that we can prove to ourselves, in a roundabout way, that we really did have it goin on that whole time, they just didn't realize it. Gosh, rejection is addicting isn't it? I mean, I'm guilty of it myself...I even keep in touch with the ex from time to time just to get a good shot of the hard stuff. Mmmm...it burns.
So, oh yea, the point... i almost forgot...the point is screw that...screw making yourself feel bad based off of how other people treat you. The truth is, everybody has a story ....including the person that broke your heart. Heck,beyond that....the crabby work security guard, the d-bag cop who wrote you a ticket for an expired tag on your way to the DMV, the clingy girlfriend, the nag boss. Everyone has experiences that have contributed to the way they are, and how they treat other people. I mean, look at my dog...can I really be mad at him ? The poor guy has colitis and is on a "gastrointestinally friendly" diet, rendering him with poor sphincter control. Can I really blame him for that? I don't have to stay around it and enjoy it, but why beat myself up over it? So , maybe your ex isn't actively trying to be such a prick,maybe his own parents didn't really even like each other , so the poor guy hasn't a clue how to love other people, because he was never shown. Or, maybe your crazy clingy girlfriend has a past of being cheated on, so she feels incredibly insecure and her defense mechanism is to haaang on tiiiight so you can't cheat too. I'm not saying that we can make our past "our story" to use as a get out of jail free card to act totally ridiculous to other people. You can't go around saying "sorry, but I'm a Gemini who's daddy didn't love her, so I'm going to be totally bipolar and you'll have to be ok with it, because , you know, im the Twins". I'm just saying, rather than blaming yourself for what's wrong and why that person hurt you, try and look at the other person's experience and release yourself from a false sense of responsibility for things they've been through that you can't help. I mean, if there's something you're aware of that you can do to help that person, like show them how to love, positively reinforce them to be all they can be, etc thats fabulous. But, if things don't work out, stop blaming yourself. Whatifitis makes you ugly. We're all on this Earth rock to evolve and learn a set of lessons. The cool thing is, every person that enters our lives does so for a reason. And, when the purpose of that relationship is served, that person may exit our lives...and when that happens, both parties are a little bit different, and hopefully better for it. For example, bachelor/bachelorette #1 may have been a part of your life to show you the importance of setting boundaries, bachelor/bachelorette #2 may have been around to show you how to trust other people and not be so uptight, bachelor/bachelorette #3 may have just been a pain in the butt, but maybe you were a vital part of their life experience that taught them a lesson they needed to learn. We are all on one crazy trip through life, and it goes fast,so rather than waiting on stand-by for someone else to make you feel a-ok, hop on board this plane of life with a first class ticket. Enjoy the turbulence, it'll help you appreciate the destination a little more. Thank God for the learning opportunities, and then LEARN from it, and fllly on little ones. Take care of yourself, because the best gift you can give to the person that you reallly want to be with , is your whole healed self. And, while your taking care of yourself, letting go of self- blame, and enjoying life, you might just find yourself a travel companion. And, it'll likely be an upgrade from the gaseous person you were beating yourself up over in the first place. In the meantime, be nice to the grumpy cafeteria lady, her husband was probably mean to her this morning, and she might have gas. She's doing the best she can the best she knows how.
Now, let me be clear on one thing. This is in no way some kind of feminist "Girl power" post or rampage against dating. I don't really like feminists...sometimes they don't use deodorant and I'm personal hygiene's #1 fan. And, truth be told, I actually kind of like dating...except for the time that that guy named Dick pooped on my bathroom floor (true story, more on that later...well actually not...its gross). Even that date was totally worth it for the story. Rather, this is more of a "devil's advocate" post, encouraging my party peoples to stop wasting time pining after the "one that got (ahem ran) away" and enjoy life, because life is pretty freaking sweet as is, farting dogs and all.
As my peers and I encounter our "mid-20's",I've been hearing a lot of biological clocks ticking...I think there's something wrong with mine because to me they sound kind of like bombs just waiting to explode. I see a lot of people investing all of their time and energy to finding "the one", and ultimately putting all of their self worth based on other people's perceptions and treatment of them. When someone breaks it off, so many of us immediately pine after that person, wondering "what if", and trying to figure out what we could possibly do to have them want us again. And sometimes we don't even really want to be with that person, we just want them to want us so that we can prove to ourselves, in a roundabout way, that we really did have it goin on that whole time, they just didn't realize it. Gosh, rejection is addicting isn't it? I mean, I'm guilty of it myself...I even keep in touch with the ex from time to time just to get a good shot of the hard stuff. Mmmm...it burns.
So, oh yea, the point... i almost forgot...the point is screw that...screw making yourself feel bad based off of how other people treat you. The truth is, everybody has a story ....including the person that broke your heart. Heck,beyond that....the crabby work security guard, the d-bag cop who wrote you a ticket for an expired tag on your way to the DMV, the clingy girlfriend, the nag boss. Everyone has experiences that have contributed to the way they are, and how they treat other people. I mean, look at my dog...can I really be mad at him ? The poor guy has colitis and is on a "gastrointestinally friendly" diet, rendering him with poor sphincter control. Can I really blame him for that? I don't have to stay around it and enjoy it, but why beat myself up over it? So , maybe your ex isn't actively trying to be such a prick,maybe his own parents didn't really even like each other , so the poor guy hasn't a clue how to love other people, because he was never shown. Or, maybe your crazy clingy girlfriend has a past of being cheated on, so she feels incredibly insecure and her defense mechanism is to haaang on tiiiight so you can't cheat too. I'm not saying that we can make our past "our story" to use as a get out of jail free card to act totally ridiculous to other people. You can't go around saying "sorry, but I'm a Gemini who's daddy didn't love her, so I'm going to be totally bipolar and you'll have to be ok with it, because , you know, im the Twins". I'm just saying, rather than blaming yourself for what's wrong and why that person hurt you, try and look at the other person's experience and release yourself from a false sense of responsibility for things they've been through that you can't help. I mean, if there's something you're aware of that you can do to help that person, like show them how to love, positively reinforce them to be all they can be, etc thats fabulous. But, if things don't work out, stop blaming yourself. Whatifitis makes you ugly. We're all on this Earth rock to evolve and learn a set of lessons. The cool thing is, every person that enters our lives does so for a reason. And, when the purpose of that relationship is served, that person may exit our lives...and when that happens, both parties are a little bit different, and hopefully better for it. For example, bachelor/bachelorette #1 may have been a part of your life to show you the importance of setting boundaries, bachelor/bachelorette #2 may have been around to show you how to trust other people and not be so uptight, bachelor/bachelorette #3 may have just been a pain in the butt, but maybe you were a vital part of their life experience that taught them a lesson they needed to learn. We are all on one crazy trip through life, and it goes fast,so rather than waiting on stand-by for someone else to make you feel a-ok, hop on board this plane of life with a first class ticket. Enjoy the turbulence, it'll help you appreciate the destination a little more. Thank God for the learning opportunities, and then LEARN from it, and fllly on little ones. Take care of yourself, because the best gift you can give to the person that you reallly want to be with , is your whole healed self. And, while your taking care of yourself, letting go of self- blame, and enjoying life, you might just find yourself a travel companion. And, it'll likely be an upgrade from the gaseous person you were beating yourself up over in the first place. In the meantime, be nice to the grumpy cafeteria lady, her husband was probably mean to her this morning, and she might have gas. She's doing the best she can the best she knows how.
Monday, November 22, 2010
The Blogging Virgin Voyage
What the hay...I, Sara Vinci, have a blog. I feel like that would be more appropriately suited as a question...I, Sara Vinci, have a blog??! How did I get here? How did I evolve from the girl who made fun of people's overly emotional facebook statuses (which are, BTW, still extreeeeemely lame) to straight up blogger chick? I think it started with the purchase of my MacBook...I think one has to turn just a tad bit Emo with the Apple (something about all the cool media features I guess) Next thing you know, I'll be eating vegan foods blogging about the emotional experiences of a squirrel.
But seriously, how I got here...Where do I begin? Long story short, over the past two years, I've been doing a lot of growing up. I mean a lottttt ( emphasis placed with extra t's). It hasn't been easy; I've been doing a crap ton of looking inward and self-analysis (talk about painful). But, in the process, I've come across some pretty cool tidbits of information (and dare I say, wisdom), that have helped me tremendously through some pretty crappy times ( I like parentheses). So, for two years,I've been jotting this stuff down in my super fancy leather-bound journal, minding my own beeswax, all gung-ho about my new path of self-development....but extremely content in keeping it locked up in the internal safe....somewhere alongside those stories about always pissing my pants in kindergarten. Until now...I keep getting the message (more on how I've been doing that later) that I'm supposed to "speak my truth".
"What the hell?" I ask God (ok, on second thought, maybe not the best way to pose a question to God, but it's cool, we're friends). I don't feel like I've been going around telling lies all the time, so what do you mean I'm supposed to "speak my truth"? Then yesterday the answer fell in my lap, through talking to a friend, that maybe I could start to share my discoveries with others. I don't consider myself one with a lot of "experiences," but maybe the few I've had can be slightly entertaining, or perhaps even helpful, to a person or two. You know, in a Chelsea Handler meets Buddha while partying it up with Jesus kind of way. So here I am, with step one, blogging it up. ( I think this is the part where really fun girls insert something like "holllaaah").
So yea, that's what this is about. If you take offense to things like angels, God, autism Tuesdays, or saracasm ( originally a mis-spelling, but then I realized I like it), you should probably stop reading here. And go see a proctologist to do something about that stick up your butt.
God bless and good night,
Sara
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