This week I reached the point where I convinced myself that I didn't want to do this blog thing anymore. I was sure that I was just coming across as a preachy young thing who was just annoying people, and therefore I probably should just save face and quit. I figured people were either a) reading and getting annoyed by my ramblings, or b) weren't reading at all, thus making me a waste of cyberspace. But today I went to church, and through today's sermon,that smart ass God gave me that familiar punch in the baby maker that I needed ( I love that God is such a smart ass; I knew there was a reason we should stay friends). Today's message was about putting your heart and soul into whatever you do, and doing it for the world, no matter what your ego thinks. Then I got in the car and My Chemical Romance "Sing it" was on the radio...."Sing it for the boys, sing it for the girls...Every time that you lose it sing it for the world. Sing it from the heart, Sing it till you're nuts...Sing it out for the ones that'll hate your guts"...Ok, I can do that; I'm particularly motivated by singing it till I'm nuts. So.. I'm not done yet. But I do sincerely apologize if I've ever come across as "preachy" in previous posts...just as a clarification, I'm never intending to preach AT anyone from a self- fabricated pedestal...no, definitely not. If I'm ever preachy, know that I'm pretty much preaching as the spirit of the person I want to be, spitting a lecture at the very human person I currently am. With that being said, this party ain't over yet.
I have a habit of doing random math in my head as I'm driving. I'll calculate random things...how many days till my birthday? how many units of productivity would I have to have the other 4 days of the week if I were to totally slack just one day? If I got my car in 2000, but its a 2001, how old is it today?This morning, I randomly wandered what the date would be 40 days from today. My answer was April 1...which was significant to me. April 1st is the anniversary of when I "officially" grew up, as it is the day I got the call that my mom had ruptured an aneurysm and was undergoing a series of emergent surgeries. Forty is a significant number, in multiple religions. Throughout the religions, the number "40" usually relates to a period of waiting required before things began to happen. For example, Israel wondered in the desert 40 years, rain fell for 40 days and nights during the flood...Muhammad was 40 years old when he became an enlightened cool guy...no matter their ethnicity, babies incubate in their mommy's tummy's for 40 weeks. So I think it's pretty cool that the random wondering of my mind decided to calculate 40 days from today, and gave me a pretty personally significant answer. It's pretty perfect timing too, as this revelation came at the end of one of those weeks that left me feeling eternally behind and at a loss for how to get ahead with everything I have to do. So, I wonder, if I make the conscious effort to put an "abundance baby" in the oven, what will it become in 40 days? What kind of cool changes could happen? April 1 is definitely the day I consider the day my old annoying perspectives were laid to rest, and my new spirit was born. So, what will be born this April 1? Going with the notion that like attracts like...if I want to attract more blessings in my life within the next 40 days (and beyond, but for the sake of experiment, I am going to test out the next 40 days), I should start with a recognition of my current blessings. If you want love, give love. Its been said that if you want more blessings to be attracted into your life, the best way is to put out the energy of prosperity, and count one's blessings. Sooo I'm going to try it...for you're viewing pleasure, I am putting in my blessing baby...heating up to 375, and hopefully watching it rise. With that being said, here is 117 things that I'm thankful for. In no particular order of importance:
1)Sunshine
2) Slurpees (particularly cherry)
3) Those random outbursts that kids say (ex: "I can't have Dr. Pepper; it's like coffee in a bottle"- E, age three)
4) ...Dr. Pepper
5) Warm weather
6) Fresh air
7) The experience of meeting people I just click with (you know, those folks that you somehow sense have the same quirky sense of humor as you without really getting to know them yet)
8) Those moments where people "above" you come across as strangely human (ex: I recently saw a well-respected cardiologist cry in church...and I also heard an administrator let one go in the stall next to me...ohh precious moments)
9) "Just right" sunburns...the kind that make you do a little "oh" when the warm water hits you in the shower, yet you still have the ability to bend your appendages relatively pain-free
10) Those good night's sleeps where you don't even roll over you sleep so hard, and you wake up feeling incredibly refreshed
11) Meaningful dreams (the kind that are so random that you are driven to look up what they mean and go "hmmmm")
12) The fact that I'm never done learning (so life will never get boring)
13) Good music (I'm a cool kid and love acoustic Sundays on 98.7)
14) Those random nights out that aren't really planned, but result in the best memories ("DUDE, I'M TRYING TO FEED YOUR POSTER, AND IT WON'T EAT!"....yea, i'm embarrassing)
15) Sand "hugs" at the beach. Maybe I'm a sensory kiddo, but there is nothing like the sensory input that one gets from laying on a blanket in the sand.
16) Lemonade (mmm....my crack)
17) The times when you happen to say the right thing to someone at the right time...or the times when someone says just what you need to hear at the right time
18) The way my relationship with my dad has softened to a more "personal" one since mom died (seriously, did we just discuss the quirks of dating while listening to Kings of Leon...how did I not know that dad was cool all these years?)
19) The fact that hard times can be turned around for good...I'm so thankful that I can now be a "go to " person for people I love who are going through loss...although I hate that they have to experience this pain, because of my experience I'm more apt to provide #17 for them
20)Very "real" conversations...topics that go beyond the BS of the day to day life
21) Angels and divine intervention
22) Good books
23) The opportunities to have fun on the job (helloooo Michael Jackson experience and random dancing outbursts)
24) The consistency found in American Eagle's pants sizes....I hate trying stuff on, and they don't make me because of this
25) Finding sweet seashells that aren't broken....and then usually throwing them back since I don't know what to do with them
26)Hats that fit right
27)Bright, colorful fabrics
28) Cool earrings that dangle but don't pull my earlobes down (that's just uncomfortable)
29) Random dolphin sightings
30) The cute look my dog gives me when he wants to snuggle
31) Phone calls from people I haven't heard from in a long time...yet the conversation goes like you just talked yesterday
32) Living close to the beach
33) My living situation (I live about 1/4 mile from the water, in a kickass hardwood floor duplex, with a landlord who takes care of my dog during the day and makes me fresh squeezed orange juice...all for $500 bucks a month RIDICULOUS!)
34) The satisfaction acquired from eating chicken and dumplings...yuuuum.
35) Those periods where I'm hyper for no reason
36) Lemon in my ice water
37) Those mornings where I wake up with bedhead, but it somehow works
38) The feeling of freedom that comes from finally being able to forgive those I felt resentment for for so long (ex: I now officially don't care about the chicken lady, and it feeeels sooo good!)
39) Good laughs
40) Finding a church that is actually kind of fun to go to because the preacher gives me something to aspire to in the realm of sarcasm...I don't get "preached at", but I get a good message because I hang on to his every sarcastic word. FUMC St Pete is where its at!
41) The job satisfaction I get from those times I am able to successfully help alleviate someone's pain (I heart my non-pharm pain orders)
42) The sense of peace/communion for the day ahead that I get from my set-aside moments of AM meditation/ prayer...I recently started this, and now I'm addicted. I'm not very good at "zen", as I have self-diagnosed ADHD, but just setting aside time to ask for help for the day ahead tends to make things go so much smoother
43) yogurt parfaits....heaven in a plastic tin
44) Off-the-chain HUGE strawberries
45) A good piece of watermelon that is sweet, but not grainy
46) The way my dog smiles and looks at me like I'm the shit
47) The feeling of rolling with my homies with the windows down and good music going
48) World of Beer. Period. Its close to my house , its nice and chill, its kosher to wear converses, and the bartenders, for the most part, coincide with #86
49) Moments of pure, simple contentment
50) The ocean
51) A solid satisfactory MJ Experience Dance session (you can't help but feel pretty good after your dance moves are validated with 4/5 stars)
52) Awkward moments that are entertaining ( for example: I originally hand-wrote this list at the beach. I took a break to go get a big hit of #16 from the snack bar. Since it was the beach I went barefoot in a bikini....only to be in line beside a group of Pentecosts in long denim skirts....awkward)
53) Quiet observations of people when they don't realize they're being observed (but not in a crazy stalker way...open environments only. Example: I just witnessed my roommate talking to her food, and it was so entertaining "Ima gonna eat you French fryyy.... and now you're dead")
54) Cute flip flops
55) Finding a bathing suit I like in my size (its hard when your sacrum is the size of a piece of peanut brittle)
56) Going barefoot
57)The excitement that comes from the moment that comes when inspiration hits for a "gotta do it" project
58) When creative ideas come to fruition successfully (ex:
59) Good pickles....mmmm Boar's head
60) Random string cheese facts (the average life span of a dragon fly is 24 hours)
61) Kickass sunrises....and when I wake up in time to see them
62) Horses and the opportunities to ride them
63) The feeling that hits from being in Ben Hill Griffin Stadium....whether we are having a sucky or awesome season, you walk in that place and you feel like the best, no matter what
64) The view from the Skyway (I live in a ridiculously beautiful place)
65) Madras plaid
66) When you walk into someone's house and their distinct "house smell" is very refreshing
67) The feeling after a good sneeze....particularly when you've been feeling the need to sneeze and when it finally comes....WHEW!
68) When things just work out in perfect timing
69) Having fresh wild flowers in my room...well I'm sure they were wild at one point, simply domesticated by Publix
70) Pretzels dipped in mustard....well let's just make this line MUSTARD in general
71) The time of year when azaleas are in bloom...pretty
72) Sunflowers
73) Seeing people put their heart and soul into their creative talent, and inspiring others in the process (im thinking of the drummer who rocks out every Sunday at church, and the kid in the front row who just stares the whole time, rocking out along with his air drums. I guess with these observations, I'm going back to #53)
74) Those times when I have to increase the weight I'm lifting... its always nice to be stronger than you initially think you are
75) New adventures (ghost tours, jet skis....ahhh the bucket list)
76) Swimming pools....particularly heated ones
77) Random surprises (seriously, who can have a bad day at work after walking in to find a random Chia pet on your desk?)
78) Unexpected emails/facebook messages from my favorite people
79) Crazy print undies....hey, even if its a serious day, I know that there's always a party going on in my pants...right now its a gumball machine party
80) Those times when I say something sarcastic or random to a stranger, and the stranger actually gets it and laughs (no crickets? holy crap!)
81) Those times when I overhear a stranger saying something outlandishly sarcastic or random....ahhh, its good to know I'm not the only one that enjoys #80
82) Aviators are back in style...woo hoo! But i'll still wear them when they're not, because I heart them
83) Fresh squeezed, pulp free OJ
84) the exhilaration of "going down" and making it out alive (ex: roller coasters, down hill sledding...the times when we used to roll our Radio Flyer down the steep heel and make the crazy turns)...perhaps I should try sky diving
85) When the "you saved ____ amount" portion of my Publix receipt is impressive. Usually this just means that I am being validated for buying too much in the food department, but whatever...
86) Guys who don't shave their arms and leave a little hair on the chest ...and some shadow on the face...mmmhmmm.(maybe its the monkey in me that stems from my Cave-man ish 6th vertebrae....but I find it refreshing that all the guys in the world aren't so vain and gay that they shave their manliness away. Disclaimer- this statement doesn't make me like a French woman...this is not applicable to women for me. Women are supposed to be smooth)
87) I am thankful for whoever is still reading this. Thanks for caring about me...how are you?
88) When people answer "how are you" in a way other than the BS filled "fine"...Anything real is preferable "I'm here"..."tired" "gay" "fabulous" "Pretty darn good"....i love anything besides "fine", unless you really are feeeling fiiiine. I want to learn better ways to honestly answer this question myself
89) The feeling of excitement that comes with upcoming days off or vacations
90) Rainbows
91) The experience I had of my mom's spirit "waking me up" at 2 am to let me know she was going to heaven...not many people get to wave their moms into heaven. I did. It changed my life.
92) The excitement that comes with closed doors leading to others opening...and always for the better. This life unfolding thing is kind of exciting, especially the really good parts
93) Cool concepts of opposites and paradox. For example, there would be no concept of "important" without the concept of "unimportant". So the important people need me....my unimportance makes them who they are. Where would they be without me? How could there be pretty people without the ugly people to make them pretty?
94) Those times the golfer's golfing at the Vinoy (which is my backyard, which brings me back to #33) yell random things when they don't know anyone is around to hear. I just heard an 80 year old man yell the F-bomb, and it was funny
95) The user-friendliness of my new MAC. And the fact that it won't let me log on to do work notes from home. Thanks for the forced work/home life separation....I needed that.
96) Red wagons. Particularly Radio Flyers. I just like them.
97) Those times when it is the end of the day and you just don't have much energy left for people, but there's one more patient that you "should " see...so you force yourself to go check on them, but they are out for another procedure....validated raincheck woo hooo!
98) The freedom that comes with surrender...I officially stop trying to plan my life and its much more entertaining.
99) My self's willingness to pursue change for the better (even if it makes me seem wackadoo to some of you)
100) Music with badass solos...the kind that make you pause, stare at the guitarist/pianist/violinist...(whatever) totally rocking it out...driving you to fist pump and go "yeaaaa" on their behalf
101) That moment of pure contentment when you wake up waaay before your alarm and realize you have forever more to sleep
102) A good solid back stretch
103) Random validating touches from friends or even strangers (of the appropriate kind. ex: shoulder touch, high five, arm touch...unless youre not bad looking and go with #86....then you can totally touch my cute underwear found in #79 ....juuuuust kidding)
104) Back rubs...even if I have to make my own on a vertical surface. Maybe its the Jungle Book in me, but I secretly get low on the corner of my cubicle, because it feels good on my spine...just like a bear rubbing against a tree
105) The excitement that I get from planning a perfect surprise or gift for another person that I know they'll be thrilled to receive
106) Roasted corn
107) Water slides that are adult-legal
108) Ink pens with good flow
109) The sense of serenity that comes with floating down a river in a tube
110) Happy hour and the clientele that attend them (the 7-10 gang tends to be the chill crowd just unwinding...which are more my folk. Not so much the tail-chasing Guido clientele)
111) When I step in the ocean and its warmer than I anticipated (but not pee warm)
112) I just closed my eye halfway and the squiggly line thing I saw in my eye was shaped like a dolphin.
113) Big banyan trees...the kind that you walk by and think 'Heeeey , thanks for all the free clean O2 dude'...or maybe I just do that
114) The feeling of clean teeth that comes post-dentist visit. And knowing that I won't have to be back for 6 months....giggity
115) During random drug tests at work, the feeling of successfully peeing (I get stage fright, my initial hiring process took 2 hours because I couldn't go...oohhh look how i've gone, i mean grown....oh,groan.)
116) When black ladies call me "little momma"....it makes me feel cool
117) Life and the chance to truly live it (thanks for the invaluable lesson Ma!)
So let's see how this goes....for the next 40 days I'm going to focus not on what I lack, but on what I have. Let's see what happens and I'll keep you posted. Either way, making that list uplifted me in its own right, I highly recommend it! If I want more, I'm gonna scream thanks out louder, push it to the limit give you moooore (sorry random Usher song input).
Singing it till I'm nuts with all my love,
Your loving 6th vertebraed cavewoman
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