So yesterday, after 12 plus years away from it, I got back in the saddle...literally...and rode a horse...it was the best random thing I've done for myself in a long time. I used to take riding lessons, and deep down I really enjoyed it. I loved it as something fun to do, but when you're a kid and don't suck at something, there's a lot of pressure from the adult world to take it to the competitive level, and I just wasn't into that. I wanted to jump over hurdles to prove to myself that I could do it and to enjoy the adrenaline rush that comes from the "ohhhh crap" moment that can only be achieved when at the peak of a hurdle right before going doooown dooown doowwwn. I wasn't in it to prove to some pompous judges that I could jump over hurdles higher or faster than the other kids. Looking back now, I kind of see where my coaches were coming from. I guess if I put long hours into helping someone out, I'd kind of want them to flaunt their new skills to the world too...oh well, I didn't get that and at the time it was just plain obnoxious to me, so I ended up quitting. But now that I'm an adult, and life for the 18+ is known to be more "stressful", I find that people are much more open to letting you do something just for fun. And, if someone tries to feel you out for your willingness to get serious about things, you can always curtail their efforts with a "welllll, with work and everything, life is stressful enough, so this is more just therapeutic for me..." People aren't really willing to argue with you when you pass something off as self-improvement therapy...it's awesome.
Anyway, I've had the riding itch for about two months now, but never did anything about it. I guess that seed was planted in my head for a reason, because through a series of random "coincidences" (someone much smarter than myself once told me that 'coincidences' are what happen for you when you co-incide yourself with God...ha...i get it)... I suddenly found myself with a hot 8am riding date this Saturday with the handsome Dandy Starbuck.
A word about Mr. Starbuck. He's an asshole. Yup, that pretty much sums it up. Little a-hole successfully bucked me off once, made a thousand more attempts to do it again, and bit me twice....with a thousand more attempts in that department as well. Thanks to him, I now have a sore lower back, throbbing inner thighs, three bruises on my left leg (secondary to a landing that was only semi-graceful whilst falling off), and glutes that want to kill me until I'm dead.
God I love that little SOB. He reminds me a lot of myself.
Starbuck and I's relationship got off to a rocky start, and it was my fault. When I was asked by the barn's owner if I would be up for a "small challenge", I responded with "a small one....I guess." But as I watched Starbuck being led from his stall, resisting being led by bucking backwards and giving a resistive 'hell no I'm not being ridden this early before breakfast' whinny, I muttered a series of PG-13 expletives and considered high-tailing it back to my car before I acquired a brain injury. Small challenge my ass. But, my pride got in the way and I decided to take the risk and see where the morning took me.
Based off my first impression, I saw Starbuck as a naughty kid that needed to be put in his place right away. So I climbed on the saddle and made my first mistake; immediately after mounting I pulled back on the reins to make sure that he knew I was in charge. I don't know why I did that...Riding 101: you don't pull on the reins if the horse isn't doing anything wrong. Starbuck was standing perfectly still and I had to go in as the bully who demanded he respect my authority before he even had the chance to show me whether or not he was planning on it anyway. With that move, I went from the new girl who might be a semi-pleasant load to carry (compared to his previous rider who was borderline obese) to 107 pounds of just plain totally screwed. Because, with that move, I am certain that I made Starbuck's defenses go up and he, from that point on, felt the need to show me what he was working with, and not in a good way. We were now in an official/unofficial battle of wills.
Our first battle happened when I tried to guide Starbuck to turn left to go into the woods. Well, little mister wanted to go right, because that would lead full circle back to the barn where his breakfast was and where I would potentially get off his back and out of his life. ( I also found out later on that he had a bad experience with getting attacked by wasps on the particular left-sided path I was trying to lead him, thus rendering him like Zoolander and unable to turn left).
He resisted my initially polite request to turn left by backing me into a sawgrass palmetto while blatantly ignoring me and turning a solid right. That pissed me off, so I kicked it up a notch with not so subtle pelvic tilt AND a smart little tuck of the reins , which initiated bite #1. I tried again a little harder and that little f'er tried to buck me off. That really just pissed me off because I felt he was taking advantage of me, so after several more attempts, I smacked his ass with the reins to remind him that he wasn't the king of anything. After that "harsh"reminder of who's in charge, he went left for me...and all was well for about 5 more minutes.
After our initial battle of wills, I was still holding a bit of a grudge and holding the reins a bit on the tight side. I was afraid if I let up at all that Bucky boy would take advantage of my trust and throw me off. So I didn't let up...which ended up biting me in the ass. Eventually he got tired of having someone so uptight on his backside, so he did what any self-respecting horse would do to get rid of the a-hole on their back...he tried bucking me off. He was successful once, but that was more because I lost my footing like an a-hole and didn't feel like awkwardly hanging on during the chaos so I gave in and slid off the side. I got back on and decided I would do an experiment and see how homeboy would react if I loosened up my hold a bit...after all, what was the worst that could happen at that point, I fall off?
After I showed Starbuck that I had his best interests in mind and really was just trying to gently guide him in the right direction if he'd let me, our ride became a pleasant experience. We still would have our episodes when trying to turn left, but the battles became fewer and shorter as Starbuck realized that all I wanted to do was to get him to go a different way, and I found myself not having to be such a hardass on the reins..nor did I end up in the bushes.
By the end of the ride, I ended up liking Starbuck. He reminds me a lot of myself...we could be soulmates.
Sometimes the powers at be (whom I personally call God) try to correct me, similar to how I tried to correct Starbuck. I'm an independent person, so sometimes its hard for me to accept or listen to correction, especially when I feel like I didn't do anything wrong to deserve correction in the first place. So, when I refuse to listen, God has to realllly discipline me, which often puts me in an angry uproar, feeling bitter that God is riding my back and keeping such a tight hold on me. Sometimes it even feels like I'm getting a real beating and my ass is being smacked with the rope . Granted, He kind of has to discipline me this way so I don't go crazy and all down the wrong path, but it still pisses me off when it's happening. Those are the times when I feel sorry for myself and question "why can't anything just go right!???"
Like I initially did to Starbuck, sometimes God has to make a "big play" to show us that He is in control. It sucks, because often these are the times when we're aren't doing anything wrong, so we reallllly resist any guidance or discipline. Sometimes we get so pissed we try to buck off the Guide. But, I have to admit, in my own life, those times when "nothing's wrong" are also the times when I'm most prone to ignore God. I have a bad habit of only going to God with a "wish list", especially when things are bad...when things are honky dorey I am not consistent with a good old fashioned prayer that goes "heyyy buddy, what's up? Thanks for, you know, that whole creation thing, and for making my life easy right now. You rock." I think maybe its a human thing, and God knows this, so sometimes bad things happen to get us to revamp our spiritual life and bring us back to Him. I don't think bad things happen to us as a punishment, but you have to admit, it is a pretty good tactic for God to demonstrate His power and ability to bring us through even the shittiest life paths (some of which even require left turns), as long as we trust Him. I know it worked for me. It's usually when we are down in the lowest point of the trenches that we eventually look up for help. I find that, as I give in and acknowledge that God is the knowledgeable rider who will guide me in the right direction for my overall good, I don't battle life's directions so much. As that happens, I demonstrate that I don't require frequent discipline to stay on the right path, and everything seems to go a little easier.
For example, in the past, if I was in a relationship that ended, I would perseverate on what went wrong and what I could do to get things right again. I would argue with what was an obvious dead end, and try to figure out how to turn around to go back to the miserable trail I just came down. But, that kind of resistance only got me frustrated with myself and with my life. Now, when a path is obviously not right for me, I go with the flow and find myself even excited about what better things await me down the road. After all, God has proven to me that resistance in the past has only postponed the arrival of things He has planned that are even cooler. So now I'm learning to cut myself a break and start to listen to God's more subtle nudges, and the drama has gone way down as I don't require such dramatic discipline sessions to be reminded that I'm not the know-it-all of my life. With this new outlook, I am much happier and even pretty stoked that I'm not in charge. This life trail thing is hard enough as it is without trying to be in total control. Even if a path I find myself on is a little scary, I can trust that I won't be brought to it if I won't be brought through it...I might get a few wasp stings in the process but I know, now from experience, that I can be sure the experience will teach me something cool as long as I'm open to the lesson. And , in the end, the ride will be much more fulfilling with some sweet-treats at the end.
So good old Starbuck...I get exactly where he was coming from. Poor kid didn't like being controlled, but once he gave into the fact that he didn't know the overall plan like I did, he allowed himself to be guided, which in turn allowed me to loosen up my grip on him....making for a more fun filled ride for the both of us. I think I might go back and ride him again next weekend...I don't want him to think that I gave up on him for being a naughty boy in the beginning. I respect him all the more for that...he was much bigger, stronger, and tougher than I but wasn't above a little gentle guidance from above. We have a lot in common, he and I, including that we both have six lumbar vertebrae....(yes I'm a dork and googled how many lumbar vertebrae horses have to determine if I really do have all this in common with homeboy)....giddy up.
Happy trails love buttons,
Sara
Anyway, I've had the riding itch for about two months now, but never did anything about it. I guess that seed was planted in my head for a reason, because through a series of random "coincidences" (someone much smarter than myself once told me that 'coincidences' are what happen for you when you co-incide yourself with God...ha...i get it)... I suddenly found myself with a hot 8am riding date this Saturday with the handsome Dandy Starbuck.
A word about Mr. Starbuck. He's an asshole. Yup, that pretty much sums it up. Little a-hole successfully bucked me off once, made a thousand more attempts to do it again, and bit me twice....with a thousand more attempts in that department as well. Thanks to him, I now have a sore lower back, throbbing inner thighs, three bruises on my left leg (secondary to a landing that was only semi-graceful whilst falling off), and glutes that want to kill me until I'm dead.
God I love that little SOB. He reminds me a lot of myself.
Starbuck and I's relationship got off to a rocky start, and it was my fault. When I was asked by the barn's owner if I would be up for a "small challenge", I responded with "a small one....I guess." But as I watched Starbuck being led from his stall, resisting being led by bucking backwards and giving a resistive 'hell no I'm not being ridden this early before breakfast' whinny, I muttered a series of PG-13 expletives and considered high-tailing it back to my car before I acquired a brain injury. Small challenge my ass. But, my pride got in the way and I decided to take the risk and see where the morning took me.
Based off my first impression, I saw Starbuck as a naughty kid that needed to be put in his place right away. So I climbed on the saddle and made my first mistake; immediately after mounting I pulled back on the reins to make sure that he knew I was in charge. I don't know why I did that...Riding 101: you don't pull on the reins if the horse isn't doing anything wrong. Starbuck was standing perfectly still and I had to go in as the bully who demanded he respect my authority before he even had the chance to show me whether or not he was planning on it anyway. With that move, I went from the new girl who might be a semi-pleasant load to carry (compared to his previous rider who was borderline obese) to 107 pounds of just plain totally screwed. Because, with that move, I am certain that I made Starbuck's defenses go up and he, from that point on, felt the need to show me what he was working with, and not in a good way. We were now in an official/unofficial battle of wills.
Our first battle happened when I tried to guide Starbuck to turn left to go into the woods. Well, little mister wanted to go right, because that would lead full circle back to the barn where his breakfast was and where I would potentially get off his back and out of his life. ( I also found out later on that he had a bad experience with getting attacked by wasps on the particular left-sided path I was trying to lead him, thus rendering him like Zoolander and unable to turn left).
He resisted my initially polite request to turn left by backing me into a sawgrass palmetto while blatantly ignoring me and turning a solid right. That pissed me off, so I kicked it up a notch with not so subtle pelvic tilt AND a smart little tuck of the reins , which initiated bite #1. I tried again a little harder and that little f'er tried to buck me off. That really just pissed me off because I felt he was taking advantage of me, so after several more attempts, I smacked his ass with the reins to remind him that he wasn't the king of anything. After that "harsh"reminder of who's in charge, he went left for me...and all was well for about 5 more minutes.
After our initial battle of wills, I was still holding a bit of a grudge and holding the reins a bit on the tight side. I was afraid if I let up at all that Bucky boy would take advantage of my trust and throw me off. So I didn't let up...which ended up biting me in the ass. Eventually he got tired of having someone so uptight on his backside, so he did what any self-respecting horse would do to get rid of the a-hole on their back...he tried bucking me off. He was successful once, but that was more because I lost my footing like an a-hole and didn't feel like awkwardly hanging on during the chaos so I gave in and slid off the side. I got back on and decided I would do an experiment and see how homeboy would react if I loosened up my hold a bit...after all, what was the worst that could happen at that point, I fall off?
After I showed Starbuck that I had his best interests in mind and really was just trying to gently guide him in the right direction if he'd let me, our ride became a pleasant experience. We still would have our episodes when trying to turn left, but the battles became fewer and shorter as Starbuck realized that all I wanted to do was to get him to go a different way, and I found myself not having to be such a hardass on the reins..nor did I end up in the bushes.
By the end of the ride, I ended up liking Starbuck. He reminds me a lot of myself...we could be soulmates.
Sometimes the powers at be (whom I personally call God) try to correct me, similar to how I tried to correct Starbuck. I'm an independent person, so sometimes its hard for me to accept or listen to correction, especially when I feel like I didn't do anything wrong to deserve correction in the first place. So, when I refuse to listen, God has to realllly discipline me, which often puts me in an angry uproar, feeling bitter that God is riding my back and keeping such a tight hold on me. Sometimes it even feels like I'm getting a real beating and my ass is being smacked with the rope . Granted, He kind of has to discipline me this way so I don't go crazy and all down the wrong path, but it still pisses me off when it's happening. Those are the times when I feel sorry for myself and question "why can't anything just go right!???"
Like I initially did to Starbuck, sometimes God has to make a "big play" to show us that He is in control. It sucks, because often these are the times when we're aren't doing anything wrong, so we reallllly resist any guidance or discipline. Sometimes we get so pissed we try to buck off the Guide. But, I have to admit, in my own life, those times when "nothing's wrong" are also the times when I'm most prone to ignore God. I have a bad habit of only going to God with a "wish list", especially when things are bad...when things are honky dorey I am not consistent with a good old fashioned prayer that goes "heyyy buddy, what's up? Thanks for, you know, that whole creation thing, and for making my life easy right now. You rock." I think maybe its a human thing, and God knows this, so sometimes bad things happen to get us to revamp our spiritual life and bring us back to Him. I don't think bad things happen to us as a punishment, but you have to admit, it is a pretty good tactic for God to demonstrate His power and ability to bring us through even the shittiest life paths (some of which even require left turns), as long as we trust Him. I know it worked for me. It's usually when we are down in the lowest point of the trenches that we eventually look up for help. I find that, as I give in and acknowledge that God is the knowledgeable rider who will guide me in the right direction for my overall good, I don't battle life's directions so much. As that happens, I demonstrate that I don't require frequent discipline to stay on the right path, and everything seems to go a little easier.
For example, in the past, if I was in a relationship that ended, I would perseverate on what went wrong and what I could do to get things right again. I would argue with what was an obvious dead end, and try to figure out how to turn around to go back to the miserable trail I just came down. But, that kind of resistance only got me frustrated with myself and with my life. Now, when a path is obviously not right for me, I go with the flow and find myself even excited about what better things await me down the road. After all, God has proven to me that resistance in the past has only postponed the arrival of things He has planned that are even cooler. So now I'm learning to cut myself a break and start to listen to God's more subtle nudges, and the drama has gone way down as I don't require such dramatic discipline sessions to be reminded that I'm not the know-it-all of my life. With this new outlook, I am much happier and even pretty stoked that I'm not in charge. This life trail thing is hard enough as it is without trying to be in total control. Even if a path I find myself on is a little scary, I can trust that I won't be brought to it if I won't be brought through it...I might get a few wasp stings in the process but I know, now from experience, that I can be sure the experience will teach me something cool as long as I'm open to the lesson. And , in the end, the ride will be much more fulfilling with some sweet-treats at the end.
So good old Starbuck...I get exactly where he was coming from. Poor kid didn't like being controlled, but once he gave into the fact that he didn't know the overall plan like I did, he allowed himself to be guided, which in turn allowed me to loosen up my grip on him....making for a more fun filled ride for the both of us. I think I might go back and ride him again next weekend...I don't want him to think that I gave up on him for being a naughty boy in the beginning. I respect him all the more for that...he was much bigger, stronger, and tougher than I but wasn't above a little gentle guidance from above. We have a lot in common, he and I, including that we both have six lumbar vertebrae....(yes I'm a dork and googled how many lumbar vertebrae horses have to determine if I really do have all this in common with homeboy)....giddy up.
Happy trails love buttons,
Sara
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